Through a lot of e-mail we sent back and forth, we discovered two things we have in common--a love of the sitcom "Seinfeld" and of the movie "The Lion King." Jason had written a lot of scripts of funny Lion King scenarios, but hadn't done anything about Seinfeld. Dave suggested, mostly in passing, that we combine the two. The more we thought about the idea, the more we liked it. Dave had a lot of good ideas to get us started, so we worked with them and developed a full-length, half-hour script, all complete and ready to air. We even tried to recreate the sitcom's "style" in timing and dialogue. You'll probably understand this script a lot better if you've seen a "Seinfeld" episode recently. If you haven't, here's how it fits into the plot: George is engaged (but not yet married) to Susan, and George still works for the New York Yankees. (Those are about the only things on the show that have changed since it first went on the air.) Having seen "The Lion King" is helpful, too, though probably not as much. We put the air date for this episode on Thursday, February 29th, 1996. We hope you enjoy it as much as we enjoyed preparing it, and we gladly appreciate any feedback you can give.
Anti-Canon Enterprises presents
A Cleary Knight Production
A Winter Break Project
[Stage. Opening monologue. Opening titles.]
[More opening titles.]
[The coffee shop. Jerry and George are sitting across from each other, eating.]
George: Why are eye patches always black? Why don't they ever jazz them up with some day-glo colors? Or skin color? Makes it look like you don't even have a patch, from far enough away.
Jerry: Um, probably because it's good to have black facing the eye, so it doesn't interfere with the other eye's vision.
George: So then you color the inside black and the outside something else.
Jerry: But then what if you have to reverse it?
George: Reverse it?
Jerry: Yeah, flip it over, use it on the other eye. The patches aren't symmetrical, ya know.
George: You think people keep eye patches around in case the other eye gets injured?
Jerry: No, I mean it's probably too much trouble for the manufacturer to have to differentiate between left and right patches. You'd have to change the way they're made, the way they're sold, you'd have to keep track of the colors. It's like there'd be twenty kinds of patches instead of one.
George: Huh. I hadn't thought about that.
Jerry: That's what separates *you* from *me*, George.
George: Yeah, well, *I* was first to get engaged, so I must be doing something right.
Jerry: Man, not that again. Besides, George, your wedding day, the 21st, is less than a month away, and you won't be ready for it.
George: Sure I will.
Jerry: Well, okay, MAYBE at first, when it's just you and her. But what about kids? You'll have to take care of them all the time, and do all kinds of baby things. You can't handle that.
George: Sure I can. I can, and I can prove it!
Jerry: All right, mister, let's see what you're made of. By tomorrow I want you to watch "The Lion King" and give me a complete plot summary. Complete.
George: "The Lion King"? Are you serious?
Jerry: Oh, you bet, my young prince.
George: Okay, you're on. It's a deal.
[Jerry and George shake hands.]
George: You see this?! [points to handshake with other hand] THIS is a deal! This is a pact!
Jerry: Yeah, yeah...
[Susan's apartment. George is sitting on the couch. An open Bustblocker Video box is on top of the VCR.]
George: Well, it made all that money. How bad can it be? [Turns on TV with remote]
[Jerry's apartment. Kramer bursts through the door.]
Kramer: It's coming, Jerry!
Jerry [coming out of the bedroom]: What's coming?
Kramer: My Internet site! They're bringing the equipment over later today!
Jerry: Internet... yeah, I think I have one of those.
Kramer: Oh, no. I don't think you do. You probably have an Internet *account*. I'm going to have a SITE. I'll run a big computer, and people will connect to ME. Not the other way around.
Jerry: Is that so?
Kramer: Oh, that's so. Hey, we'll be able to send e-mail to each other!
Jerry: Or you could just walk across the hall and *tell* me what's so important.
Kramer: Well, yeah, if you want to do it the old-fashioned way.
Jerry: So how does this thing work? Phone lines?
Kramer: Phone lines? Heck no! Those can't carry a fraction of the bandwidth I need! No, it's a satellite dish on the roof, and it broadcasts to a geosynchronous satellite. Much faster connection, Jerry. They say it's equivalent to a K1.
Jerry: What's a K1?
Kramer: I dunno. But I think it's better than an ISDN.
Jerry: So what's an ISDN?
[Kramer shrugs jerkily. Newman enters.]
Jerry: Hello... Newman.
Newman: Hello... Jerry.
Kramer: Well, I gotta go. Gotta be ready when those guys come around! [exits]
Jerry: So what brings you into my until-recently-happy apartment?
Newman: I need to borrow your VCR. Mine broke. It can't record, and I need to tape "Rochelle Rochelle." It's the last couple of days it's on the adult movie channel.
Jerry: I don't think so.
Newman: Please? I've really gotta have it on tape.
Jerry: I don't want you borrowing my VCR for anything, much less to record some sleazy movie.
Newman: Please please please...
Newman [leaving]: Fine. But I'll remember this...
Jerry: Oh, stick a sock in it.
[Susan's apartment. George is watching the end titles start to roll.]
George: Wow. [pause] Wow! [pause] Wa-ha-how! That was fantastic! I've gotta see that again.
[George stops the tape and starts rewinding. Susan enters, and George comes close to panicking, but calms down quickly when he realizes she didn't see anything.]
George: Su-usan! Hi! So good to see you!
Susan: It's, um, good to see you too, George. How was your day?
George: Oh, fine day. Everything was fine.
Susan: What's that you're watching?
George: That? Oh, nothing, dear. Just some boring Yankees stuff. Not even about the players, no. Dull statistics, that kinda stuff.
[Discount store (think K-mart). George is at the checkout counter. The cashier rings up the Lion King VHS cassette, the soundtrack CD, and a T-shirt.]
Clerk: You like "The Lion King," huh?
George: Hmmm? Oh, this isn't for me. It's for the kids, you know. Yeah, they're just nuts about Simba. My youngest one thinks he's a lion, in fact. Goes growling around the house, trying to eat raw hamburger out of the fridge, heh. That killer instinct is so cute.
[Jerry's apartment. Lots of noise-- hammering, drilling, moving heavy objects. Jerry's eating a snack as Kramer comes in.]
Jerry: Hey, what's going on over there? I can't hear myself think!
Kramer: They're installing the site, Jerry! They have to run a conduit up the outside wall to connect to the dish and upgrade my electrical system to handle everything.
Jerry: They're upgrading your electrical?
Kramer: Sure! You remember what happened with the hot tub! And, boy, when they get finished, it'll be something!
[The intercom buzzes.]
Jerry [into intercom]: Yeah?
George: It's George.
[Jerry buzzes George up.]
Kramer: You know, there are actually gonna be three computers in there, Jerry. One just to control the satellite dish, one to actually be the server, and a terminal-like thing for me to use. Of course, there's gonna be lots of wire on the floor, since those guys usually put these things in offices with-- get this-- false floors! They were telling me all about it, Jerry. It's great! You lift up these tiles with this plunger thing-- [picks up an imaginary piece of Jerry's floor with an imaginary suction cup] schhhhlop!
[George enters, carrying a plastic bag from the discount store and wearing the T-shirt.]
George: Hey, Jerry! Kramer!
Jerry: Hey, George. [notices the T-shirt] Oh, what's this? [in a way that says "What possessed you to wear that?"]
George: Oh, just something I threw on today. Well, you wanted a plot summary, so here it is. Okay, Simba's this cub who's the son of Mufasa, the king. And Mufasa tells Simba not to go off to the northern border of the Pride Lands, into the shadowy place. But Simba does anyway, but first he has to lose Zazu, who's this bird who's like really close to Mufasa or something. Oh, and he invites Nala along too--
Jerry: All right, George. I get the idea. You want an apology?
George: Apology? What should you apologize for?
Jerry: For making you watch that movie. You were right, I was wrong.
George: You shouldn't be apologizing for that! *I* should be thanking *you*! It was the best piece of advice you ever gave me!
Jerry: It wasn't advice.
George: Well, whatever it was, it was great.
Network guy [off-camera]: Hey, Kramer! You gonna move this junk, or what?
Kramer [to Jerry and George]: Oh, sorry. [Yelling to network guy] I'm comin'! [exits]
George: You *have* to watch the movie.
Jerry: Get outta here!
George: Come on, Jerry. You won't be disappointed, I guarantee.
Jerry: I'm not watching something so juvenile!
George: Come on! You're my best friend. Please.
Jerry: I won't do it, George. Just give up.
George: All right, fine. I'll just leave it here for now. [pulls video out of bag and places it on counter] You can watch it when I'm not here. If you like it, that's great. If you don't, you can just act like you never saw it. And keep in mind that this is one video that can't be judged by its cover. Well, I've got some shopping to do. In the meantime, remember who you are! [exits]
Jerry [to himself]: Remember who I am? What's that supposed to mean?
[Outside Susan's apartment. George stands outside the door and builds up willpower, then walks in.]
George: Susan, I'd like to ask you to do something for me.
Susan: Why sure, George. What is it?
George: I'd like you to watch a movie with me.
Susan: Any movie in particular?
George: Yes. "The Lion King."
Susan: (laughs) Okay, seriously, what movie?
George: I am serious. I'd like you to watch "The Lion King" with me.
George: Because it's great! I really think you'll like it.
Susan: But it's a children's movie.
George: That's what you'd think, but it's more than that. It's for adults too.
Susan: I don't think so.
George: Why not?
Susan: Look, I'm too busy to stop to watch a kiddie show.
George: All right. [slight pause] Some other time, then.
[The lobby of Jerry's building. Kramer is coming in, and Newman meets him going out.]
Newman [with phony innocence]: Hey, Kramer, do you suppose you could... find it in your heart to... let me borrow your VCR?
Kramer: What are you, nuts? After that mess with Elaine and the dog? No way.
Newman: Come on, Kramer! Please! I need it to record "Rochelle Rochelle"! It's only going to be on for a couple more days!
Kramer: Hey, sorry, pal, but I think I gave you my answer. Mmm?
[Elaine's apartment. Elaine is letting George in.]
Elaine: Okay, so why'd you want to see me?
George: I'd like you to watch something with me.
Elaine: Watch something? With you? Watch what?
George [holding up the Bustblocker Video box]: "The Lion King."
Elaine [in disbelief]: What?
George: That's right, "The Lion King."
Elaine: You came all the way over here to ask me to watch a cartoon?
George [a little frustrated]: It's not a cartoon! It's an animated film! And you'll know the difference once you've seen it.
Elaine: I dunno, George...
George: Please! As a favor to me! [thinks] I can get you some great Yankees tickets...
Elaine: Oh, all right. Get it started.
George: By the way, do you mind if I turn the lights off? Increases the theatrical effect.
[Elaine gives George a weird look.]
[Jerry's apartment. Start with an overhead shot of the video cover on the counter, then cut to Jerry looking down on it. He picks up the box, turns it over, and starts to read the copy on the back.]
[Elaine's apartment. George and Elaine are watching TLK with the lights off. The screen goes dark with the main title.]
[Elaine gives George another weird look.]
George: Oh, sorry. Thanks for letting me turn the lights off, though.
Elaine: Yeah, yeah, now shut up. [slight pause] And they'd better be good seats.
[Jerry's apartment: He's watching the movie and at the same scene as Elaine.]
Jerry: A baboon holding a lion cub? What the h*** was that all about?
[Elaine's apartment. Young Simba is chatting with Scar on the cliff.]
Simba: You're so weird.
Scar: You have no idea.
Elaine: Get OUT!
[Without looking, Elaine shoves George, inadvertently pushing him off the couch.]
Elaine: Oh, sorry.
George [getting up]: It's okay. I'm just glad I'm getting to see this again.
Elaine: It's just that that's exactly what Jeremy Irons said in "Reversal of Fortune!" And he sounded just like, what's his name, Scar!
George: That might be because Jeremy Irons provided the *voice* for Scar!
Elaine: Get OUT!
[Elaine pushes George off the couch again.]
Timon: ...and everybody's, okay with this? DID I MISS SOMETHING?
Jerry: (laugh) That guy has some pretty good material. Wonder if I could use it...
[Elaine's apartment. It's the Mufasa's ghost scene. Elaine's eyes are glued to the screen, and George is near tears.]
Elaine: Oh my god, that's so beautiful!
[Jerry's apartment. He's at exactly the same scene.]
Jerry: Neat special effects.
[George's office in Yankee Stadium. George is at his computer.]
George: Alt fan lion king, huh? The T-L-K Muck. Hmmm.
[Wilhelm, George's boss enters.]
Wilhelm: Excuse me, George.
[George minimizes his application. The screen changes to an uninteresting spreadsheet. He spins around quickly in his chair.]
George: Mr. Wilhelm, hi.
Wilhelm: I just wanted to ask you to print up the July statistics in the new format like we discussed.
George: Yes, sir. I'll get right on it. You can count on me.
Wilhelm: Good. Keep up the fine work, George.
George: Will do, sir.
[Wilhelm exits. George spins around and goes back to the computer. He pushes a few keys, and a Lion King picture appears on the screen.]
George: The Lion's Lair on the World Wide Web, heh.
[Jerry's apartment. Kramer bursts in.]
Kramer: It's up and running, Jerry! The computers are up and running!
Jerry: Um, that's nice, Kramer. George is on his way up, why don't you tell him.
Kramer: Say, can I have a drink? It's gotten really hot in my apartment since I got that stuff installed.
Jerry [sarcastically]: Gee, I wonder why that could be?
[Kramer goes to the fridge. Newman enters.]
Jerry: Hello... Newman.
Jerry: You're not getting my VCR.
Newman: Come on! It's the last day!
Newman: Kramer? I'll be your best friend...
Kramer: I'd sooner... um... help me out here, Jerry.
Jerry: He'd sooner throw his satellite dish off the roof!
Newman [inching backwards towards the door]: You think you've defeated me, but you're wrong. Dead wrong. I'll have it on tape, I can promise you that. I have my ways.... Ha ha ha ha ha! [exits]
[Kramer looks at Jerry, points to his own head, and makes a wavy gesture that says, "Newman doesn't have it all together upstairs." George enters.]
George: Hey, folks.
Kramer: George! I've got my own Internet SITE in my apartment!
George: You have a SITE?
Kramer: Yeah! It's a Commando 9419. It uses a satellite dish. They say it's equivalent to a K1.
George: A K1? Wow.
Kramer: Oh, yeah. I can set up my own mail server, Web, FTP, Telnet, you name it!
George: Huh. You know, I have Internet access on my computer at work.
Kramer: Oh, then we can send e-mail. And you can visit my Web site.
George: What do YOU have to put on a site?
Kramer: Well, nothing. But does that stop anybody else?
George: Good point. Let me ask you something, Kramer. By any chance, you ever go into those alt sex boards...?
Kramer [holding up his palm]: Vrrrt. Never touch 'em.
Kramer: Oh, yeah. I get all the babes I need in real life, pal. I mean, you'd have to be pretty SICK to even go in there, wouldn't you?
George: Um, well, uh, yeah! Right.
Jerry: Oh, George, I can't believe I'm saying this, but I watched "The Lion King."
George: Great! And? How did ya like it?
Jerry: Not bad.
George: Not bad? Not bad?!
Jerry: I was wrong to call it a cartoon. How's that?
George: All right, I'll settle for that. Now, Kramer, you've got to see it.
Kramer: Huh? I've got to see WHAT?
George: "The Lion King." Come on, Jerry liked it, Elaine liked it--
George [ecstatic]: She was so moved! You should have seen her!
Kramer: I dunno...
George: Oh, come on. What else you have to do today?
Kramer: Well, nothin'.
George: Exactly. You done with my tape, Jerry?
George: All right! This is great!
[Susan's apartment. George is on the couch listening to the instrumental section of "The Lion King" soundtrack. Susan enters.]
Susan: Hi, George. How was your day?
George [sincerely]: I had a great day, Susan. Thank you for asking. And yours?
Susan: I can't complain. Say, this music's pretty good. What is it?
George: Mmm? Oh, it's The Lion King soundtrack.
Susan [suddenly put out]: Oh.
George: What do you mean, "Oh"? All of a sudden you don't like it?
Susan: Well, I didn't know it was from a movie like *that*.
George: I can't believe this! I can't-- You know what you are? You're prejudiced! You're prejudiced against animated films!
Susan: Don't you mean "cartoons"?
[Kramer's apartment. New-looking computer equipment takes up most of the background. The machines are covered with buttons, switches, lights, and six-inch screens. The floor is covered with thick cable. Kramer is sitting down, with three or four fans pointed at him and an open two-liter bottle of soda nearby, watching the "Hakuna Matata" sequence and jamming in his chair to the tune.]
[The Disney Store. George enters, and a clerk approaches him.]
Clerk: Welcome to the Disney Store. Is there anything I can help you find?
George [rather embarrassed]: Well, I'm... um... I'm interested in... uh... some... merchandise... pertaining to... um... "The Lion King." I, uh, really like it.
Clerk: Oh, it's for you? We get a lot of people in here looking for stuff for their kids.
George [still embarrassed]: No, um... no, it's, uh, for me.
Clerk: That's fine, that's fine. We have a number of items geared toward our adult crowd. Would you like me to show them to you?
George: Uh, sure. What the heck.
[The Clerk leads George around the store as he shows off the collection.]
Clerk: Well, over here we have a collection of T-shirts and sweatshirts, available in large, extra large, and extra extra large sizes.
George: Hmmm, I'll have to look those over.
Clerk: Here's an assortment of Lion King ties and baseball caps.
George [getting a gleam in his eye]: Oh yeah....those are rather nice.
Clerk: We have about three or four kinds of posters available, now on sale.
George: Well, if it's on sale, hey!
Clerk: I think we have some rather nice wrist watches on the front counter, too.
George: Watches, huh? I could use some of those. But I'm trying to control my spending...
Clerk: Of course.
George: So I think I'll only take... ONE of each.
Clerk: Wow, you *must* really like the movie.
George [imitating Scar]: You have no idea. [glancing off camera, his eyes lighting up] Is that what I think it is?
[Outside. George is carrying a few Disney Store bags and singing to the tune of the Oscar Meyer Wiener song.]
George: Oh I wish I were an animated lion, Oh that is what I'd truly like to be...[Kramer meets him walking the opposite direction.]
George: Hey, Kramer, you busy now?
Kramer: Uh, no.
George: Great. I have a fantastic idea but I need your help. Come on.
[George continues the way he was going, and Kramer follows.]
[The hallway outside Kramer's apartment. Newman knocks on Kramer's door and waits a few seconds. There's no answer. He snickers and puts his key in the lock.]
[Coffee shop. George and Kramer are at a table.]
George: You're still running that site, right?
Kramer: Yeah, what about it?
George: I have a plan that'll make you a cult hero, probably even get your name in the press.
Kramer: Ooo, do tell.
George: I want to run the ultimate in unofficial Lion King Web sites. You've watched the movie, right?
Kramer: Mmm, indeed. Not bad at all.
George: Great. Now, to have the best site, all we have to do is beat the one who's best right now.
Kramer: And who would that be?
George: Ryan Beeman. He's a college student out on the west coast somewhere--
Kramer: Uh oh.
Kramer: Well, it's hard to beat a college kid's site. Almost as hard as a really well-done commercial site.
George: Why's that?
Kramer: Because college kids have no lives! I mean, look, George, they don't have to work, they don't have to shop, they don't have to cook, they don't have to clean. They don't even HAVE to go to class! All their time is free to do whatever they want. And that's why some of them go nuts and build these enormous Web sites.
George: But you don't have to work. You've got all the time you want. So you can do it! Now, I was thinking we'd super-enhance the whole thing for Netscape.
Kramer: Okay, I can go for that.
George: And when you first load it up, it could automatically load something.... Ah! How about a lion roaring? Can you do that?
Kramer: Most definitely.
George: Great! Now, how much hard drive space do you have?
Kramer: I have a couple of gigabytes.
George: All right, we'll need at LEAST that much.
Kramer: Why? What are you putting on it?
George: We're gonna put the whole movie on QuickTime.... AND AVI!
Kramer: The whole thing? That's like an hour and a half!
George: 88 minutes, but who's counting.
Kramer: Won't we get sued for that?
George: Are you kidding? Look at everything Beeman's put up some time. They haven't TOUCHED him!
[Kramer's apartment. Newman's walking in.]
Newman: Geez, it's hot in here.
[On his way to the VCR, Newman trips over a cable, unplugging one end. One of the machines starts beeping loudly.]
Newman: Oh no. Shut up!
[Newman walks over to the machine and starts flipping switches in a frenzy to make the beeping stop.]
Newman: Shut up! SHUUUT UUUP!!
[The beeping stops. Newman gives a sigh of relief. Watching where he steps, he walks to the VCR and ejects the cassette.]
Newman: "The Lion King? Eww!"
[He leaves it on top of the TV. He unplugs the VCR and walks out with it.]
[Susan's apartment. Susan is inside when George walks in carrying the Disney Store bags.]
Susan: Hi, George, how was-- what's that?
George: Oh, just doing some shopping.
Susan: Really? For what?
George: Just a few things for me. You know, shirts, ties, watches.
Susan: Oh, that's nice.
George: You know, I really think you should watch "The Lion King." It's much better than you probably think.
Susan: Come on, George...
George: Please. It's really important to *me*. It's become a part of my life.
Susan: Well, I guess, since you're my fiancee.
[Laserdisc World. George walks up to an employee behind the counter.]
Employee: May I help you?
George [not at all ashamed]: Yes, my good man. I'd like the laserdisc of "The Lion King."
[The employee pulls a clipboard out and flips ahead a few pages.]
Employee: All right, which edition?
George: You mean there's more than one? Uh, I dunno. Tell me about 'em.
[Jerry's apartment. A very distraught Kramer enters.]
Kramer: I can't believe what happened!
Jerry: What happened?
Kramer: Someone broke into my apartment!
Kramer: Yeah! My VCR is gone, and now my computers are all screwed up! Someone messed with the switches and kicked a cable out!
[Kramer gets a physical epiphany and falls down]
Kramer: It probably was! [Picking himself off the floor] He was asking for the VCR.... And he has a spare key to my apartment!
[George enters, wearing a Lion King sweatshirt and a Lion King basketball jacket, and carrying a Laserdisc World bag.]
Jerry: Well, if it isn't Kimba, king of the Pride Country!
George: (sigh) That's SIMBA, king of the Pride LANDS.
Jerry: Yeah, whatever.
George: Well, your jokes won't get me down, because I bought this!
[George pulls a box out of the bag. It's tan with Rafiki's lion logo on it.]
George: It's the CAV laserdisc! Over a hundred bucks, but well worth it! It's packed with features and extra stuff. They say it's a must-have on alt fan lion king.
Jerry: Hmmm, pretty spiffy. But you don't own a laserdisc player.
George: A technicality. I'll correct that as soon as I can afford it.
Jerry: And what's with the jacket?
George [taking it off and displaying it]: You like it? They're off the market now, so I had to get it second-hand from a guy in New Hampshire, Barry Peck. And next weekend I'm driving up to Cornell University to see the movie where it was meant to be seen-- in a theater!
Kramer: Hey, George, that Web site we talked about is gonna have to be on hold for a while. My computer's messed up.
George: Hey, no problem. Oh, I've got a great idea for a new area! You know how Beeman has "The Amazing Hans Zimmer Site," so I figured we'd rival that with a page dedicated to the art director, Andy Gaskill! We'll scan in all his drawings from "The Art of the Lion King" and try to get an interview! And that reminds me, I got my g-character on the Muck!
Jerry: What's the Muck?
George: It's this multi-player virtual environment thing. I'm Mfuto. That's Swahili for "bald." Pretty clever, huh? It's like a code!
Jerry: Don't you think you're carrying this Lion King thing a little too far?
Kramer: I don't think he is.
Jerry: What, now you're one of them too?
Kramer: No, but I think I can see where George is coming from. I've got a Nolan Ryan rookie card I got as a kid and wow! [nearly falls down] you won't believe it-- that baby's worth fifteen hundred bucks now, Jerry-- fifteen hundred bucks! Just think what some of George's collectibles will be worth in 40 years. Why you could RETIRE [grand, spastic gesture] on that alone!
George: That reminds me! I forgot to look for Lion King trading cards on the Internet!
Jerry: Aw, geez, George. Tuck your shirt in. I can see your underwear.
George: Oh! Boy, how embarrassing... [Starts tucking]
Jerry: Wait a minute...
[George stops tucking.]
Jerry: You've worn briefs since high school.
Jerry: But that looks like a boxers waistband to me. You earning money on the side as a high-priced gigolo now?
George: Well, I found something that made me switch.
Jerry: What could you-- No, wait, you don't mean....
George: Yes, yes, they are....
Jerry [with a big smile, amused]: Lion King boxer shorts? What's next Georgie boy, Lion King condoms?
George: Well, since you mentioned it....
[George starts rummaging through a bag. Jerry and Kramer exchange glances in disbelief.]
[Susan's apartment. Susan and George are in the room. George is on the couch with a stuffed lion.]
Susan: Oh, George, I watched "The Lion King" today.
George: Wonderful! And?
Susan: I didn't see much in it.
George: [pause] What?
Susan: To tell you the truth, George, I think you're reading more into the movie than there actually is.
George: I can't believe I'm hearing this!
Susan: George, it's my opinion. Can't you at least respect that?
George: Um... uh... sure... Can you respect mine?
Susan: Of course I can. But I think you're going overboard with all this merchandise. I'll have to look at your collection every day.
George: I have to look at your doll collection all the time.
Susan: That's different. It's a more mature kind of collection. Besides, I'm beginning to think that you love that movie more than you love me.
George: That's ridiculous! Of course I love you! Oh, but there's just one favor I'd like to ask of you.
Susan: What, to shop for you?
George: No, no! Um, I was wondering, if it isn't too much trouble... could you try to be more like Nala?
George: Um, I mean--
Susan: You DO love the movie more than me!
George: But I told you--
Susan: My fiancee loves a stupid cartoon...
[Susan grabs the lion from George and holds it out the window above her head with both hands, imitating Rafiki. Cut to a shot of the window from outside and below.]
Susan: Hey New York! Behold your king!
[Susan throws the lion into the street. George looks out the window, and Susan comes back in.]
[George pulls his head back in. Cut back to the inside.]
George: What the h*** do you think you're doing?! And that was Nala, the Lion Queen! I've gotta get her. [heads toward the door.]
Susan: If you walk out that door, George, you won't walk back in. We're through. This is the last straw.
[George looks at Susan, then the door, then Susan.]
[Jerry's apartment. Kramer enters.]
Kramer: Hey, can I borrow your screwdrivers?
Jerry: I dunno. What for?
Kramer: I'm gonna get revenge on Newman.
Jerry: Okay, that's a worthy cause. [Gets screwdrivers from shelves]
Jerry: So whatcha gonna do?
Kramer: You know how he came in and took my VCR?
Kramer: Well, *I*'ve got a spare key to HIS apartment. So I'm gonna go in there and get my VCR back. But first, I'm gonna open up his cassette of "Rochelle, Rochelle," and replace the tape inside with the tape from this! [holds up the box of "The Lion King."] Ha ha!
Jerry: But that's George's!
Kramer: Well, we'll reimburse him.
Jerry: Why don't you just copy it?
Kramer: Because that would take too long! And besides... the FBI would come after me.
[Freeze-frame. End titles.]
[Roll end titles. George's parents. George is on the couch watching the beginning of "The Lion King," clutching a plush (and slightly dirty) Nala and nearly in tears.]
George: Too bad. I might miss her. What do you think, Nala?
George's mom [off-camera]: George! Turn it down in there!
George: Aw, Ma! [turns down volume with remote] Um, can I borrow the car tomorrow?
Mom: Where do you have to go?
[Newman's apartment. He's watching *exactly* the same scene.]
Newman: No! No! Rochelle! Rochelle...
[Cut to Jason Alexander in front of a plain background.]
Jason: This is Jason Alexander. For more information about "The Lion King" on the Internet, you can read the Usenet board alt fan lion king [At the bottom of the screen, the words appear: "alt.fan.lion-king"], visit the T-L-K Muck by telnetting to this address ["tlk.otterspace.com Port 7675"], or visiting the Unofficial Lion King World Wide Web Archive at this URL ["http://www.lionking.org/"].
Authors: Dave Cleary & Jason Knight
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